TiMe ThRoUgH aN HoUrGlaSs

Friday, September 26, 2008

I guess beside towards peggy or for projects, I hardly throw my anger around? I admit that i'm moody and emotional over the past year. But I really am.

I didn't expect anyone to adapt to me. I didn't expect the rest to come cuddling and comforting me.. That's why I chose to walk away when I'm down or didn't feel like talking. I don't like to wear a fake smile. That's not me. i don't want to be fake, especially towards my friends. To me, i rather treat friends with my true feelings, because I believe that if they are really my friends, they will be understanding. If I really want to be happy, I'd rather walk away to calm down first before facing the rest again.

I ever told PH this:
"To friends, if I keep quiet, they will understand.
But to the others, they don't, I have to 'PR' and tt means I have to talk and smile. But it wouldn't be from my heart"

So which do you prefer?

I chose to hang out with the rest but I walk away still. It's because I just needed company, but on top of that, I wanted to be alone too.
Yea. I'm weird. But that's just me. I guess i like to hang out with friends.. like sit down by the bay and enjoy the see breeze.. but we just don't talk.. just quietly enjoying the night scene.. that's what i like.

I have to apologise though as I know I have this problem of "Even when I talk about my problems to you, it will somehow end up being about you". I'm self-centred. Ever since my father passed away when I was young. I'm that way.

I'm sorry. If you expected me to just joke around and please everyone, even when i'm feeling down. I'm sorry, i can't. That's not me. I'd rather avoid.

"I don’t want people around who take up so much of my energy." Aren't you being self-centered too? Well.. I don't blame you. It's just human. Everyone have their own selfish side.

I'm different from you. You have a wide circle of friends. Even if today you refused to talk to me again. You still have numerous best friends out there to accompany you... Brian, PH, Candy, Rui Ming, Nadia, Kat, Melody, AiMan, Mehul, Mok, your dad and family... To me, I only have you. Yes, I do talk to the rest too.. But I only trust you. Even if I confide in sheereen and HT.. there's a limit to what I tell them too. Maybe that's why I always turn to you to rant whenever I'm down. I thought you will understand.

I mean just look at that time when you and Brian almost broke up. How many people stood by your side? me, peg, ivy, rm, kat, ph, mehul, mok. Even RM and Kat got so aggitated...
How about me? I guess only you cared then. (Ok.. maybe peggy tried to care for me too, but well, i rejected it.) So you see the difference?

Honestly, after poly ended. I only have sheereen, hui tze and you left whom i trust and confide in. Now that sheereen and hui tze are gone, and well you.. I guess I have received my retribution eh?

By the way, I do care for you too. In fact, candy and i met up with brian to talk about you and his relationship just 2 days ago on wed night.

- meh...
by Dj Z @ 1:55 AM